Not finished yet
I’ve started many posts for this blog over the past few months (note that it says started not finished). They all sit on my laptop desktop in a folder labelled ‘Blog posts in the works.’ Most of them start well-enough but soon trail off, losing speed and momentum. The train just never reaches the station and it becomes agony trying to pull it there.
Each blog post tackled an issue or challenge in my life. There’s the one about being stuck in a rut I began while sitting in a coffee shop avoiding work. That one about being single I wrote months back during a moment of self-pity. The one about dreaming big that started off really well and that one about saying goodbye that was hardly more than a handful of lines. Not to toot my own horn or anything – but they're really compelling!
So why couldn’t I finish any of them? For months I thought I had a severe case of writer’s block as I struggled to put pen to paper. I wrote emails, scribbled notes to myself and edited other people’s words but failed miserably every time it came to write about ‘me.’
A few days ago, I once again opened that folder and reread those half-finished musings for the twentieth time all the while complaining to God about the lack of words to complete those blog posts. Through my exasperation, I felt a gentle tug at my heart pulling me towards the voice of the Lord. “They aren’t finished cause you aren’t finished. I’m not done with you yet.”
Thinking back to each time I stopped writing I realized the point where the words trailed off was always at the end of my knowledge and experience. I couldn’t write more because I didn’t know more. I still don’t – I haven't figured a single one of those challenges out.
I want so badly to have all the answers. To be the one who has everything figured out, juggling work, relationships and spiritual development blindfolded while walking across a tightrope 50 meters above shark-infested water (a bit extreme but hey, a girl can dream). But the truth is, I’m a work-in-progress. As much as I want to spout wisdom and be a pillar of strength I’m only human. I will stumble, I will fall, I will fail, and though that is hard for me to swallow that’s ok.
How wonderful it is that I am still a work-in-progress! That God has a plan for me so much greater than what I can imagine! As it says in Philippians 1:6 He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. I may not be a masterpiece ready to be framed and hung over the fireplace, but then again, I’m not a half-finished creation gathering dust in the corner either. I’m still being molded and shaped into His likeness.
The other day a friend reminded me that I don’t have to have everything all figured out to share it – that life doesn’t come in neatly wrapped packaged topped with bows. Though I only want to share the finished product, getting other people’s input during the creating process is often a good idea and can save a lot of time and energy.
Reading back over those posts, I can point out the words I glossed over, the truths I skipped across because I wasn’t ready to acknowledge them. And even though I haven’t reached the finish line I can see how far I’ve come (and is there even a finish line?). There will come a day when I’ll be able to write the endings; when I’ll be able to articulate my feelings regarding goodbyes, when I will be able to offer advice on how to get out of a rut, but if that day is not today, that’s ok, cause God isn’t finished with me yet.